How Silence Can Help Litigants Obtain Their Goals in Family Law Court
In Family Law Litigation Silence Can Be an Effective Tool. Here’s how to use it.
In family law litigation to get what you want, try closing your mouth. A well-deployed silence can radiate confidence and connection. The trouble is, so many of us are awful at it.
We struggle to sit in silence with others, and rush to fill the void during a pause in conversation. We want to prove we’re smart or get people to like us, solve the problem or just stop that deafening, awkward sound of nothing.
The noise of social media and constant opinions have us convinced we must be louder to be heard. But do we?
In an excellent article from Rachel Feitzeig in the Wall Street Journal. Ms. Feitzeig addresses the value of moments of silence. Here article posits that silence can be effective in business and personal settings. Among other things Rachel provides advice from a Texas Personal Injury Lawyer, Jeff Fisher who states:
“We often talk ourselves out of a win. Our need to have the last word can make the business deal implode or the friend retreat, pushing us further from people we love and things we want.
Let your breath be the first word,” advises Jefferson Fisher, a Texas trial lawyer who shares communication tips on social media.
In court, he once paused for 10 seconds to let a witness’s insistence that she’s never texted while driving hang in the air. Fisher says, the witness then filled in the void, giving roundabout explanations and excuses before finally admitting, yes, she was on her phone.”
Silence is hard for people. In conversation we often can anticipate what the other person is about to say. We can often finish the speaker’s sentence. Trials are not conversations.
In the context of family law I train my clients and witnesses to utilize silence.
Silence can be helpful in mediation and settlement conferences and it is critical to testimony at trial. A trial is not a conversation. It is a medium through which parties provide evidence. After all evidence is presented the judge or jury applies the relevant law to the evidence and makes a determination, i.e. makes a judgment.
While preparing my clients and my witnesses for trial I ask them to take a one second breath pause between the end of each question posed to them and the beginning of their response. I want them to pause no matter who asks the question–me, the judge, the opposing attorney.
Why do I ask them to pause at trial? Two reasons: First, I found in variably that the imperceptible breath pause allows their mind to process the question and provide a better answer.
Second, It allows my witness to control the pace of the questioning. They avoid the situation in which they perceive themselves as being peppered by questions and thus begin to feel attacked and defensive. With respect to this second reason sometimes a longer pause can be even more effective. Particularly when the opposing attorney is cross-examining the witness about testimony the witness gave during my direct examination.
Why do I ask them to pause at mediations and settlment conferences? In meetings during which the parties and counsel are trying to reach an agreement outside of court, silence can also be a very effective tool.
Imagine the adverse party has just engaged in a character attack during a mediation with a third party mediator (or in a settlement conference with a judge) which character attack is irrelevant to the legal issue being discussed such as child custody and parenting schedules.
A pointed pause, followed by a statement by my client that ignores the irrelevant character attack and which addresses only the child custody matter and the parenting shedules will be effective on several levels. First, ignoring the character attack reflects the client’s commitment to the issue discussed and builds credibility with the mediator or the settlement judge. Second, it makes the adverse party look petty. The beauty of silence is that it can never be misquoted. Instead, it can act as a wet blanket, tamping down the heat of a dispute.
In the context of Family Law disputes, silence helps ensure the client or witness listens to the question, instead of doing what is so common in conversations, which is plotting what to say next.
In family law court and family law mediations and settlement conferences, the party or witness should not focus on themselves. They should focus on their goal within the setting: obtaining the judgment they desire or the agreement with which they are satisfied.
Without pauses, we’re generally worse speakers, swerving into tangents or stumbling over sounds. Listening, pausing, responding on point is a terrific tool to accomplish the goal in a family law setting.
Galen Gentry assists clients in Los Angeles and Southern California with issues relating to all aspects of family law. Mr. Gentry has 30 years of experience and can help people protect their families and their interests.
Call us to schedule a free consultation at 310 282 7521 or contact us here.